Sad Dracula Finds Halloween Stuff!

What’s this? What’s this?! There’s something in the air! I beg thee do not fear. For Halloween is here!

And it is at this time that I would like to share, if you care, my finds so far of this most delightful season.

So as the Autumn clock slowly ticks, take a look at these Halloween pics!

99 cents for a new friend? Not bad!

Zombie hand gummy lollipop? Yes x100!!

I found this guy at Goodwill. It’s licensed from New Line Cinema. I think it was supposed to be a Freddy Krueger scarecrow!

Three 50 foot Bud Light cardboard banners and 4 Omega Virus board games. Life is good!

That horse mask is terrifying!

I found this across the street from my place. He wins Halloween

We all float at AMC Theater

The new Pennywise deserves this spot!

So happy to see that Leatherface is getting some shelf time.

My podcast partner and I found these awesome cardboard standees at an all night flea market!

The Munsters carriage was at the all night flea market as well. So freaking awesome

Well that sums up my brief Encounters with Halloween 2017. I’ll definitely be posting more pictures in the near future.

If you have the time I would love if you took a look at and followed me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. I try to post a bunch of random stuff that hopefully will make you smile.

Also please check out the podcast I co-host, It’s Alive! A horror and nostalgia driven show where we discuss pretty much everything an anything spooky!

ITS ALIVE! Horror and Halloween Nostalgia show

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Gremlins 2: Guess Who!?

A couple of weeks ago I bought Gremlins 2 on VHS. I haven’t seen this movie since I was a kid. So when I popped in the flick I barely remembered anything. Sad!

 

Not really. The movie was totally written on cocaine. The god damn thing is bat shit crazy. Some of it works. Most of it is too damn random to really appreciate it as a sequel to Gremlins 84′. Be honest. Gremlins 2 is one terrible sequel when it comes to sequels.

Now, before you strangle me in my sleep let me say this: The New Batch is absolutely full of sweetness. It has scenes and situations that demand repeat viewing. The monster effects are superb!

But the one thing that really stuck out to me was the insane casting. I mean this freaking movie is filled with faces that you have seen but can’t name! It’s so fucking awesome that I had to share the golden casting nuggets of Gremlins 2: The New Batch.

Let’s do it!

Don and Dan Stanton (Martin and Lewis)  is also …

 

THIS guy from Terminator 2!

 

“Must be my lucky day”

Dick Miller IS….

 

THIS guy from Terminator!

“Wrong.”

Keye Luke was… Kato?!

OH MY GOD John Glover aka Mr. Clamp IS…

 

Dr. Woodrue from Batman and Robin!!

 

Kathleen Freeman aka the super annoying Microwave Marge was….

Sister Stigmata aka “The Penguin” from The Blues Brothers!

Raymon Cruz was that guy in Breaking Bad!

John Astin aka Sean Astin’s father aka Gomez Addams aka The Riddler #2 was The Janitor that is basically responsible for the Gremlins running wild!

 

The list literally goes on forever! For example, Mark Dodson aka Salacious Crumb voiced some Gremlins. Hulk Hogan, Dick Butkus, and a slew of others made awesome appearances. It’s rather sickening how many hidden faces are in this movie.

Oh yeah, John Capodice was the Fire Chief in Gremlins 2 but he was also Sgt. Aguado from Ace Ventura!

All in all Gremlins 2 is as wacky as it’s hidden face challenge. I’m sure I missed tons more cameos. I guess that’s one of the many, many appealing layers that TG2 has to offer.

With that said, I guess I should watch it just one more time.

The Mystery of Stanley Avenue.

Last weekend I decided to call off work and visit my favorite person in the world – my Grandmother. What was supposed to be a normal day filled with our usual platter of tasty conversation, in which we can (and often do!) discuss everything from current affairs to history, turned into a day brimming with unexpected mystery!

The day started with coffee and eggs at this very quaint little restaurant cleverly named, The Egg Beater Cafe. We gobbled up the most delicious eggs that I have ever had while discussing the troubles of the world. Our conversation seemingly was directed by the televisions hanging on the wall that softly spewed the news. Conversating this way is always a fun exercise. My Grandma and I are both chatty-cathy’s; so keeping whatever topic is at hand

Conversating this way is always a fun exercise. My Grandma and I are both chatty-cathy’s; so keeping whatever topic is at hand short is near impossible. Anyways, our bellies were full and the coffee was drunk in abundance. It was time for us to move on.

Somehow we both knew that the day was going to be one of exploration. Perhaps it was something in the cool September air that started an awakening in our bones. Whatever it was wanted us to find and experience the mystery that we stumbled upon.

Before our adventure began I needed to go to the library to attend to some personal affairs that required a printer. As we drove I asked Grams about a library she took me to when I was ten. I couldn’t remember what library it had been but I remember it was where she rented the Lord of the Rings audio tapes for me. We both scratched our heads in an attempt to wipe away the fog of the past. It was a lost cause. But at the last minute, she suggested two libraries. And at the last possible minute, we both agreed to set course for the Riverside Public Library. Unbeknownst to us, our choice would bring us to the mystery of Stanley Avenue.

We both scratched our heads in an attempt to wipe away the fog of the past. It was a lost cause. But at the last minute, she suggested two libraries. And at the last possible minute, we both agreed to set course for the Riverside Public Library. Unbeknownst to us, our choice would bring us to the mystery of Stanley Avenue.

Standing in front of the Riverside Public Library, I discovered that Grams and I shared an affinity for historic architecture.  As I write this I wonder if our trip to ancient England popped into her mind. I know it did for me as my eyes gasped at the enchanting library that lay before us.

libOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAHogwarts much? Why can’t all libraries be this awesome? The modern library, though good for the community, suck when it comes to design. I would have totally lived in a library as a kid if it looked like it could be a place for wizards and witches!

The unknown ghost of exploration was at play. For when we looked at the stone block that contained the date the building was erected, it had ties to Grams! Construction of the library started in 1930. That’s the same year Grams was born!

After the library, we explored the little town of Riverside.  The town itself is a picture perfect town that belongs in a Ray Bradbury book. It’s seriously so tidy and American it started to feel weird. We loved it! Grams wanted to take me to this swinging bridge that passed over the Des Plaines River. I have never been on an actual swinging bridge! I was pumped!

Grams wanted to take me to this swinging bridge that passed over the near by Des Plaines River. I have never been on an actual swinging bridge! Grams hyped the hell out of the bridge. I was pumped!

Expectations.

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George Lucas and Steven Spielberg on the Temple of Doom bridge

 

Reality.

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H. Wallace Caldwell Memorial Bridge in Riverside, IL

I guess a guy and his Grandmother can’t get everything in one single adventure! However, this bridge is not insignificant to this tale.  It is rather crucial to this story. It was this bridge that led to our very most unexpected discovery!

After crossing the bridge and surviving the insane amount of weirdo bugs, we entered an isolated section of the Cermak Woods. A single paved road was our only path. The road was Stanley Avenue.

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As we walked further down Stanley Ave. something caught my eye. Now, keep in mind that we thought we were entering a forest preserve path. We did not expect to encounter what I am about to mention. It was simply beyond the realm of reason to think beyond the usual sights of a Forest Preserve path. So, dear reader, what my Grams and I encountered was an entire community of houses left abandoned. It was as if the people of Stanely Avenue simply just vanished.

So, dear reader, what my Grams and I encountered was an entire community of houses left abandoned. Windows smashed or boarded up. Clothing, garbage, and other items strewn about. It was as if the people of Stanely Avenue simply just vanished.

The following pictures will reveal these homes to you as we found them. In some pictures, you will see toys, bikes, and other signs of life. These items were strangely left behind as if the owners fled over night. I can’t stress that enough. It was so freaking eerie.

A little research revealed that every single home pictured was built in 1899. The only other bit of information I found was a newspaper article from 1969. The article calls attention to a major flood crisis that the community was forced to endure.

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The town was edged by the always flooding Des Plaines river. However, modern life has lived on Stanley Avenue since. What happened to these people? Why did they up and leave? It could simply be the effects of the 07’/08′ housing bubble. Or did they leave out of fear? Fear of something evil within the Cermak woods.

Before you wave that away let me tell you this: Grams and I found the remnants of an actual Ouija board! I shit you not. Don’t believe me? Take a look!

But as the great Billy May’s once said, “But wait! That’s not all!”

I decided to look further into the town of Riverside and the Cermak Woods. What I discovered was absolutely freaking eerie. I discovered that the town roots consisted of 8% Czech. Yeah? So? Let me tell you why this is so creepy.

What’s creepy is that the word ‘CERMAK’ is a Czech word used as a nickname for the Devil. Yup.

With that in mind, I will let you peruse through the photos I took. I tried my best to capture what I saw. However, my phone did die faster than expected while taking the pictures. I shit you not. The battery somehow went from 70% to 0% in a matter of 30 minutes.

Shall we begin?

 

 

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The First House We Found

 

 

When Grams and I explored the ruination of the first house we were completely in awe! The experience and discovery will be something that I will never forget. It was the total synchronicity of our emotions. We were both in a state of wonder of what lay before us. Sharing such an experience with my favorite person is simply special. But let’s get back to the creepy stuff!

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Grams raises her arms to push past the brush!

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House 2

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This was the house where we found the Ouija board box!

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We almost missed this because of the brush. A staircase that led to a secret garden and pond!

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This sign was nailed to the garage. WTF?

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Found at a dead end road.

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Halloween deco found in the woods that surrounded the home.

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A monster of a house hiding at the end of the road.

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Garbage was littered everywhere.

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Grass took over the brick pavers.

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Smashed window. What secrets lay within?

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Inside we heard a shrill beep, beep. We deduced it was a dead smoke alarm.

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It was as if the kids simply…vanished.

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The Devil in yellow. Do you see it?

 

What my Grams and I found on Stanely Avenue will be one of those stories that we will talk about every time we see each other. It was a day that was meant to be. So many little things fell together for us to have this adventure. I am so damn lucky to have a Grams that loves to explore and go on adventures such as this one. One thing is for sure, we will always wonder what happened to the people of Stanely Avenue.

 

We saw IT!

We saw the IT movie! And of course we just had to record about our experience. Yes. It’s all SPOILER FREE. We aren’t monsters!

Below you will find the link to the podcast. But before you do let me just say how great Bill Skarsgard’s performance is as our favorite insane clown, Pennywise. He is truly a terrifying monster. If you never feared clowns before, I am sure you will after you see his delicious performance. I seriously can’t stop thinking about all the little things he did and said. Creepy!

Anyways, we truly appreciate all the support we get with It’s Alive! Horror Podcast. Chris and I have been talking this way since we met in High School. That was over ten years ago. We just hope you have fun with it too! And don’t forget to get involved. We love feedback and chitchat. Your opinion matters!

 

EPISODE 15.

It’s an unusually stormy September night here at the crypt. And with that, we take advantage of the atmosphere by paying an early visit to a certain killer clown. With an advanced screening of Stephen King’s It fresh in our skulls we discuss if one of the most anticipated horror films of the year sinks […]

via Ep. 15: Sink or Float — It’s Alive! Horror Podcast

Aaahh!!! Real Monsters Halloween Costume!

I was dicking around on Instagram and I saw that Spirit Halloween posted a picture of a costume I never thought I would see on the officially licensed level.

 

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You now can be Krumm or Oblina (or both) from Aahh! Real Monsters. This is the first time I have seen Real Monsters getting this sorta love since the SNES game dropped those many years ago.

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If you don’t know what Aahh!!! Real Monsters is let me explain by using a sweet promo from Nickelodeon.

I’m betting that doesn’t explain much.

Aahh!!! Real Monsters is a Nickelodeon show from the 90’s. It was produced by Klasky Csupo who also produced Rugrats/Duckman and that show with the yellow characters that I simply do not understand.

I’m not sure why I’m surprised to see this show getting Costume love. It’s pure nostalgia for me. Which usually means the show aged poorly. I guess the show rode the 90’s wave as well. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised since we live in the age of Man-Baby’s, as my friend always says. And dressing up as a Tim Burton looking dildo and a walking ballsack confirms this.  It’s good to be alive, folks!

Real quick! I found out something cool. The creepy creep below…

zimbo

…zimbo is voiced by non-other than…

penny

I hope that image wakes you up in the dead of night. Seriously. Imagine waking up and seeing Pennywise in the corner of your room. He’s just sitting on the floor Indian style while smiling at you.

Happy Halloween. Go by your costume. And Spirit Halloween needs to fix the title of the Krumm costume since it’s spelled like this: Aaahh! Real Monster. Humph!

-Sad Dracula

I bought a box of 26 year old Addams Family Cereal.

A couple of weeks ago I had a Tuesday off. I’m still adjusting to the rather random schedule of my e-commerce job but having a day off while the majority of the world works is a very bodacious thing.

The first thing I did was stand by my window, wearing my lucky Star Wars underwear, and laugh like Tim Curry in Legend as the sad-sacks outside trudged to work.

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That lasted for about fifteen minutes. But what could I do with the rest of my time off? Should I tighten up my personal financial reports? Should I continue plotting my screenplay? Or should I clean up my apartment and fight off the sentient broccoli instide my fridge? The world was my Oyster. I was going to use this day to better myself. So I went to my local antique Store and purchased a 26 year old box of Addams Family Cereal.

The world was my Oyster. I knew was going to use this day to better myself. I was going to fire up my inner Tony Robbins and kick the day in the ass.  So I went to my local antique store and purchased a 26 year old box of Addams Family Cereal.

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It’s been two weeks and I’m still not sure if I’m proud of buying cereal that’s 2 years my junior. A mystery that haunts the top of my fridge.

What drove me to this $4 dollar purchase was the fact I had no idea that The Addams Family movie dipped its toes in the cereal world. I was really freaking amazed.  Don’t be surprised by this. I missed out on a crap ton of cool stuff from the 90’s because of life. But that’s why I have this blog. To fill in the blanks. The Addams Family Cereal find will be one of many for me.

This awesome website – Mr. Breafast – gives a nice breakdown on the history and contents of this very cool cereal tie-in. Read all about it by clicking the link. 

Examining the box really made me miss how freaking awesome everything was back in the day. We can’t even get NEW Halloween cereal despite the fact that Halloween has never been hotter. Imagine if the new Ghostbusters movie or the Goosebumps movie had a cereal! I know Goosebumps did it before. Why not do it for the new movie?!

Missed opportunities, guys!

Just look The Addams Family Cereal box. Look at the design. I don’t know if the corporate fat cats from the 90’s were far more creative or gutsy. Whatever the X-factor they had needs to come back to 2017.

 

“THE CREEPY, CRUNCH CEREAL WITH THE GREAT TASTE YOU’LL SCREAM FOR.”

Even the catchphrase on the cereal is awesome. Not impressed? Check out the commercial!

 

Watching this really made me want more modern cereal movie tie-ins. I don’t care for the superhero stuff. I’m talking spooky movies damn it!

Just imagine if the IT movie randomly came out with a Pennywise themed cereal. It would be kinda like Cap’n Crunch Crunch Berries. The various colored berries would be Pennywise’s balloons. The box would be white with his face dominating the entire front. The catchphrase?

The title: Pennywises Sugar Pops!

The catchphrase?

“It’s so good, you’ll float too!”   

And for the collectible?

A mini plastic Pennywise that changes his face when you press a button on his back!   

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Oh boy. Now I’m sad. Maybe I’ll just eat this 26 year old box of Addams Family cereal and think about what could be but never will be.

-Sad Dracula.

Halloween ’88

Halloween is coming around the corner fast! It is at this time that I would like to share with you some RETRO Halloween art by my friend CMP.

He completed a piece called HALLOWEEN 88′. The image you see really hit home for me. It captures the essence of what we want (or remember) Halloween to be like. Before the stupid alcohol infused parties and tity witches, we had legit Halloween experiences. Scary ghost stories, trick r’ treating, awesome costumes etc. It was a time of innocents. It was Halloween 88′.

ChrisDoesComics.com

Halloween88 Prints now available in my store!

Do you remember when times were like this? Or perhaps a Halloween that never was.

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Halloween Treats 2017: Part I

In order to escape the insanity of the day I decided that Goober peanut butter and jelly was needed in my life. I am an avid consumer of the sandwich called PB&J. So when I get the need to feed, I jauntily head to my kitchen to consume. Today I really needed a fix. So you could imagine how fucking pissed I was when I found my supply of Goober was all but gone!

Beyond irritated (nothing new) I drove to my local supermarket in what I can only describe as fucking terrible weather. It was like living in a wet wool sock that was worn during football practice. Luckily the local Jewel was only minutes from my crypt.

Using a spatula to scrap my balls from my truck seat, I wandered into the nearly empty store with Goober on my mind but came out with something much, much more.

Yeah, I found the Goober goodness but I also found some freaking awesome Halloween treats! My head was so distracted that I forgot that the chances of encountering Halloween in the wild were pretty high since I personally started Halloween this year. You read that correctly. I found Halloween first. Let me have my childish statement, damn it!

So without further ado I present to you my Halloween Treats: Part 1.

 I’m not going to bore you with my play-by-play analysis  of this bologna. But what I will say is this – The color scheme of Halloween treats truly erases any negativity that surfaces in my pea brain. These packages and all that they contain is one of the many reasons why we all love Halloween.

I Found the Devil at Flashback Weekend.

The green and red mohawked man’s jean jacket vest was covered in the most extreme horror patches and buttons I had ever seen. He had patches dedicated to Cannibal Holocaust and pins featuring Charles Band’s shit-tastic pile of cinema trash. But it wasn’t these obnoxious displays of identity that disturbed me so; it was the pinned patch in the center of his jacket that read, “Ask Me About Satan.”

These horror conventions are drowning with all sorts of characters. Here, you’ll find Halloween-Heads, Horror critics, Punks, and even the ultra rare, almost extinct legend that is the Goth. So it wasn’t really the patch that had my heart pumping faster than normal. It was his aura.

I’m almost positive this guy felt me judging his patches because he turned around and grinned straight at my face. I pulled my eyes away and started awkwardly staring at some shitty homemade spooky candles that some aged punk rocker chick was selling.

But what the fuck did I see? It was only a brief glance but I’m almost positive the Satan patched dude had tiny sharp teeth and bible black eyes! I decided to steal another glance.

Confirmed! The guy was still staring at me and he had the blackest fucking eyes I had ever seen. Shark eyes. The eyes that Quint from Jaws spoke about. Before I could process the thought through my energy drink trenched brain, the guy turned around and walked swiftly through the crowd. And I did the stupidest thing anybody could do after seeing a sharp toothed guy with devil eyes: I followed.

I pushed past a fat Freddy who was delivering one out of a thousand cheesy Nightmare lines. Fred cosplay voices are equivalent to Heath Ledger Joker cosplay voices so I couldn’t help but wince. But doing this distracted me from focusing on the man with the ‘Ask me about Satan patch. And that’s when I crashed into Sean Patrick Flanery.

S.P.F (thanks Chris) was fist pumping to terrible music. He smiled and audibly hooted in some sort of cocaine or super fruit vitamin burst. I looked past his orange glow to see my target farther than I wanted him to be. Flanery hooted again and invited me to a shared pump of the fists.

“Not now, Junior!”

I pushed past him.and continued my search for the Satan guy. I couldn’t locate him! I hissed a curse as I desperately scanned the buzzing convention floor like a T-800.

Target acquired! I found him taking a selfie with some big boobed girl with tattoos that she could not have gotten sober. With some sort of stupid courage, I hit continue in this stupid game of cat and mouse!

Just as I was about to reach him, or IT, a t-shirt vendor ambushed me.

“Don’t be shy! Take a look at all our overpriced t-shirts!” said the vendor who grew up on the Twilight Saga.

“Cool but, uh-”

“I know right?! See they all glow under black light?! You see? How cool is that – black light?”

She giggled and flashed a black-light wand like some 12-year-old girl high on rock candy. I wasn’t in the market for stupid shirts but I knew I couldn’t escape this trap so easily. So, I let her have it.

“Why the fuck would I pay $35 dollars for a shirt that turns on with a light that I’ll never encounter unless I’m raving with the crew from Return of the Living Dead? And if I’m exposed to said light I’d be risking the embarrassing fact that I have a ton of cum stain on and around my crotch area. Goodbye.”

Using my rudeness as Bat-smoke, I zipped past her and rounded the corner to where I saw the Mohawk Satan go.

“GOD DAMN IT!” I roared.

The fucker was gone! A wave of panic started to sit on my chest as I looked around like Charles Band looking for a paycheck. Was this going to be one of those crazy ass stories that would haunt my mind until the day I die? The story about the time I saw a real demon at a horror con. What a story that could have been.

The chemicals in my brain did a little dance and I felt depressed as I gloomily walked away to continue my gazing at Lance Henrikson’s liver spots.

“Hey.”

A cigarette cracked voice behind me said. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Somehow, someway I knew this voice belonged to HIM!

My heart pumped faster than Sean Patrick Flanery’s fist as I slowly turned around to confront whatever he or IT was.

His eyes were blacker than black. His teeth; yellow jagged abominations that could rip flesh from bone. Under his jean jacket vest, he wore a simple Hanes undershirt with a crude image of an upside down Crucified Jesus. This guy was the real fucking deal!

With a smile, he presented a large black book to me. The book was made of leather. The cover had the Satanic pentagram etched in fine gold ink. I know what this was. It was the Book of Satan! Once I sign it he would give me whatever I wanted! Just like in The Witch movie!

“Wanna check out my portfolio?”.

My saucer wide eyes and slit mouthed grin instantly dropped.

“Whaa?”

The devil guy chortled, put up his index finger to me as if to tell me to hold on. With his other hand, he pulled out his yellow teeth with a slurp. A line of spit webbed from his mouth and fake teeth. The spit string snapped.

“Damn teeth. Gotta love Spirit Halloween, uh?” He chortled again in merriment. “Wanna check out my portfolio. I’m an artist.”

My jaw fell to the floor. That’s when I noticed he was standing behind a booth that read: Vincent Vicious: Dark Mind, Dark Soul, Dark Art.

This guy fucking just baited me right up the ass! I started tearing up as I grabbed his book of art and flipped it opened. Inside I found life like pictures of classic horror icons like Freddy, Jason, and Dracula. The only thing was they were all drawn like Penises. The guy who I thought was an agent of Satan drew life like horror icons as if they were life like dicks. What. The. Fuck.

My lips trembled as tears softly fell down my cheeks. I Sad Dracula’d hard as I walked further into his trap by complimenting his Horror Penis talents.

“That’s soo…original.”

The asshole smiled a beautiful set of teeth. His right black eyeball popped out. A contact. He pulled the other one out. Two beautiful blue eyes twinkled at me.

“Not biggie. Got them cheap on Amazon. Free shipping with Prime. Total win. Wanna buy a print?”

He pointed at a selection of 8×5 prints of his dick art. He had everything from Regan from The Exorcist to a big black King Kong.

“Come on. Help me out. I’m hungry. I gotta make a living. You love horror, right? These are Con exclusives. Come on, these tables aren’t cheap. Whaddya say, buddy? ”

I must have left my body because I saw myself completely giving in by his sales Kung Fu. He sale slayed me. I was almost sobbing as I pointed at the Michael Myers as a penis print.

“That one.”

He pulled it down and autographed it. In what he must have thought as super clever, he added an exclamation in the shape of a penis.

“That would be 45 bones, my man.”

I trembled a smile and gave him my credit card.

In the background, Sean Patrick Flanery gave me a whats up chin and fist pumped in my direction as the black light t-shirt vendor hung on his bicep. She was waving her wand at SPF’s crotch area.  His crotch glowed with a stain.

I cried.